Ducks and Velcro

by Tickled Red on June 6, 2011 · 7 comments

*Just a mom’s personal point of view*

These past couple of weeks I’ve been in full mommy mode. With school wrapping up and summer break around the corner I’ve been contemplating the many fun adventures we’ll try to squeeze into our short summer. I’ve also been very reflective lately contemplating Ducks and Velcro. Most people when they’re pondering something that has variations they use the example of Apples and Oranges but for my particular conundrum I’m going with ducks and velcro. Since this has been weighing on my mind heavily I thought that I would share it with y’all as well.

Everyone who is close to me has heard me describe my boys either one of two ways.

One-”They may march to the beat of their own drum, but they harmonize really well together”

Two-”I have one child who is a duck and lets everything roll off his back while the other is velcro because he holds on tight and most things stick to him”

Until recently I didn’t realize how entirely accurate number two was.

There are some children better equipped at handling the multitude of small frustrations that build up over the course of a day while others are not. Some children feel as if they’re constantly under the spotlight being examined, evaluated and judged. They prefer to be alone yet when it comes right down to it they end up being lonely. They’re exceling in other aspects of their life in and out of school but for some reason when it comes to socializing with their peer groups within a classroom they become anxious. As parents we may be well aware that our child is a little shyer than the other. That he or she may not make friends as easily, nor do they like to be the center of attention. But what we may fail to realize is that their anxiety level is increased while they’re at school. Especially if Mr. or Ms. Velcro has a tendency to be a clam like our guy. He always says that his day at school was fine, good, I don’t know or I can’t remember. It’s like pulling teeth to get any details from him.

Some of the signs that I found listed online pointing to your child experiencing some form of social aniexty in school are…

School-Aged Children

If your child is in elementary school some of his or her common fears may be:

  • reading aloud or answering questions in class
  • starting or joining a conversation
  • writing on the blackboard
  • speaking to adults
  • music/athletic performance
  • ordering food in a restaurant
  • attending birthday parties
  • inviting a friend over

A child in elementary school may display some of the following symptoms:

  • sits alone at lunch
  • doesn’t join in at recess
  • worries excessively about being evaluated or judged
  • does not participate in after-school activities
  • does not like school or refuses to go
  • is uncomfortable being the center of attention
  • mumbles or avoids eye contact

What has been weighing on my mind is the question of whether or not this anxiety stems from nurture or nature, possibly even both? What steps could we have been taking to help ease his worries these past few months that this has evidently been esculating? Then again I’m not much for looking back at “What If’s” unless there’s something to learn from them. So more is the question where do we go from here? What can we do differently to build his confidence? To let him know that people are not laughing at him or talking about him, but with him as an equal? That they’re not seperate and apart from him during the course of his day, that he’s not all on his own?

Whatever the answers may be to those questions we will find them together as a family. Through love, support and joy our guy will have his footing back in time for the new school year.

Not to mention his overzealous mom will be researching everything in sight. No stone will be left unturned.

Thanks for letting me share and be a little heavy for once,

Tickled Red

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Carrie June 6, 2011 at 7:38 pm

I’m right there with ya mama. Xoxo

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Jessica June 7, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Wow, I was that child and I still have many of those anxieties as an adult. Kudos to you for spotting things like that, for wanting to take a proactive role in helping your child cope, and just being there. One of the things I’ve learned over time is that it helps me to know others experience anxiety just as much as I do (even the “cool” kids or people you admire for their courage/outgoingness/etc.), they just have coping methods I never learned like learning to laugh at yourself or to not take everything so seriously. I don’t know if that serious nature is innate or learned. But laughing more, and knowing that you are not the “only one” can certainly be learned.

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Barbara | Creative Culinary June 7, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I wish I had been fortunate to have had an answer when my oldest daughter Emily was in school; she had social problems throughout high school that seemed to disappear in college; a new environment without any memories of the kids or the school helped her wipe the slate clean and be happier. You’re right to be concerned, to see if you can discover coping mechanisms now; it sure isn’t going to be easier in middle or high school.

You know what? You are a good mama; that’s all I know.

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Mandy - The Complete Cook Book June 8, 2011 at 2:21 am

Red, bless you for sharing with everybody – they say a problem shared is a problem halved. I have no doubt with your wonderful love and care that your son will soon be opening up to you and walking the road to building his self esteem to where it should be.
:-) Mandy

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Ellen June 9, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Red,
The fact that you recognize this anxiety and are able to write about it means you are on your way to helping. You are correct. Looking back only helps us not repeat behaviors. Looking forward will help you be an advocate and gently ease Mr. Velcro into his social comfort level. The Lord made each of us different.
I’m thinking of you and know your family will get through this.
Citymom

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Sue June 9, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Kudos to you for taking a proactive role in helping your son. It isn’t easy being a mom. When they hurt, you hurt, yet you still move forward to do your utmost as a mom to remedy the situation, no matter how difficult it may be. I have no doubt your son will succeed with such loving and informed family support. God bless you.

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Idiot Mom June 12, 2011 at 9:50 am

I know exactly what you mean. Child #3 has been the center of my worries lately, but then I wonder if maybe it’s not him, and it’s that everyone else is odd????

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